Nonverbal behavior depends on many different factors. I always rely on nonverbal cues when communicating with others. I think that they are more important than the actual words coming out of your mouth. The words are the message but the nonverbal cues define the meaning of the message. For example, someone could say, " You are so stupid." This could mean you are dumb, or funny. It could be hateful, mean, hurtful, or playful. The only way you can tell how it is meant is by the tone of his voice, his facial expressions, gestures and mannerisms. They make up the conversation. Without them the conversation would be just words and you would not know the meaning behind them. People depend on the nonverbal cues more than they do the actual words that are used in the conversation.
I have this guy that I work with at one of my jobs he always has a major attitude. He would always make rude comments to me. They would be about doing my job and how I should be doing it and just other comments like that. The thing was that I was not doing anything wrong. It was not necessarily what he was saying but how he said it. His tone was rude. You could tell by the way that he was walking and holding himself. So I would get mad because it was hurtful the way that he would do it. Then one day he asked me why I took offense to everything he said. My response was that it was not necessarily what he said but how he said it. Apparently he did not mean for it to be hurtful but he walks around with a major attitude and I do not think that he knows how that affects communication with other people. Then there is this other guy at work who makes some of the same comments but I never become mad. He will say stuff like get to work or that is stupid stuff like that but he would have a smile on his face and laugh. His facial expressions, tone, gestures, and mannerisms all made me feel like he was just being playful so it was never a problem. We would then just joke around. Unlike the other guy he did not have a major attitude. From the same set of words but two totally different nonverbal behaviors you have two extremely different conversations. They both had different endings.
I think that nonverbal behavior is the same across the board with both genders but I do think that in some situations it is influenced by your sex. I think that male's nonverbal behavior is more dependent on gestures and mannerisms. For females I think that it is more in the tone and facial expressions.
In conclusion I think the words verbally spoken are important but not nearly as important as the words spoken by your nonverbal behavior. As you can tell by my story that nonverbal behavior changes the meaning of the message. This brings me back to the phrase, "Actions speak louder than words."
As I was reading your blog about your rude co-worker, a young man that I work with came to mind. He also comes across very rude and condescending. I have talked to him about it in the past and he says he will work on it but uses the excuse that he is from the East Coast and that is just how people are where he’s from. There may be some truth to what he says when you think about some of the stereotyping you hear about New Yorkers for instance. My philosophy though is he’s not back East anymore so he better start learning how to treat people with respect. I know it’s hard to change habits but if a person stops to think about the message they want to send and makes a conscious decision to present it in a manner that is not offensive then it can be done.
ReplyDeleteNegativity can be very contagious in the workplace and damages morale. I don’t think people realize what an impact their non-verbal cues can have. Everyone deserves the right to be treated with respect regardless of their gender, education, race, rank, etc. I’m glad that you were bold enough to let this person know how they were coming across. Hopefully it will improve his communication skills.